My Girlfriend is a Culinary Genius, and Warren Carter is Probably a Good Basketball Player

The Active Soul likes to drink port. Hell, I received three bottles of the stuff for Christmas. I'm also transitioning to tea after nursing a serious coffee habit for ten years or so; green tea in the morning and a mug of Sleepytime or Chamomile at night. Yes, I know green tea contains caffeine. But not as much as coffee.

Now, I have it on good authority that the coffee gods are some vengeful bastards, and I'd assumed they would curse me with headaches for rejecting them after years of appeasement and devotion. Oddly enough, I have been getting minor headaches – but only in the afternoon, and only after seven hours under fluorescent lights. So I can't tell if it's the coffee gods or the lights or the teenagers.

Anyhoo, K and I somehow got to talking about tasty ways of improving tea, and she suggested sweetening not with sugar nor honey but port. Perhaps a nice berry tea, she said. I tried it and it was more or less awesome.

In other news, one of my resolutions this year was less a resolution than it was a plan that's been a long time in the works: buy a bike trainer for my room, so I don't have to schlep to the gym only to be stuck on some crappy cardio machine because all the good machines are taken. With a bike trainer in my room, I'll be able to get great cardio on my terms – without the walk to the gym and without the weird social dynamics inherent in all health clubs.

So yesterday I was cleaning my bike chain and gears and watching my beloved Fighting Illini play Iowa. My beloved Illini played like a junior varsity squad in their first scrimmage after Thanksgiving. Dee Brown? Horrible. James Augustine? The top scorer on the team, but that's like saying I'm the best guitarist in my room. That kid Smith who shoots threes like a sniper? Well, he buried a few and played hard on defense – good job, Smith. Warren Carter?

Ah, yes. Warren Carter.

For a long time, Warren Carter was my least favorite Illini. At 6'9", Warren Carter is a rather large man. And the problem with being that large is that one often moves as if one's limbs are not appendages but rather garden implements. To put it bluntly, Warren Carter sometimes has about as much defensive hustle as a sloth. And if there's one thing that really irritates me, it's a lack of defensive hustle.

Now, Warren Carter is probably a good athlete. If Warren Carter and I played a game of one-on-one, Warren Carter would probably win. But as a fan, I won't tolerate a lack of effort on defense.

So during the semester break I learned that Warren Carter is not only a good athlete when Warren Carter hustles on defense, but also that Warren Carter has overcome a whole friggin' lot of adversity in his life and is well-spoken and funny to boot. So while I have more respect for Warren Carter, I'm still waiting for him to have a monster game. Which, like all the other Illini yesterday, Warren Carter didn't have.

And my least favorite Illini of all time is now Nick Smith. Fuck you, Nick.